I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
