My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
