I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
