About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
