hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it wasn't lemon gatorade
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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