you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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