I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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