Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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