My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize