Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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