ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize