he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
