I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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