You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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