why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
