I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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