I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
