Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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