I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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