At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
