Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
