Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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