Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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