I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
