worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
