I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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