I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
