I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
