Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
