you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
