I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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