I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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