I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
