living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
