We named our party play list daddy issues
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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