Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
