sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
