just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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