There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
