Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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