Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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