I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
