She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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