porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
