I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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