i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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