Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
