i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
