He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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