drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
