I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize