Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
