I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize