Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
