I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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