Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
