I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
